Losing a Loved One

As some of you might know, The Whisper of God community has grown substantially over the past ten days due to a new FaceBook page that I launched.  As part of the page, many members of our community have been sending in prayer requests.  One struck me this morning that said:

“I ask for prayers for my families esp my daughters and I; we just lost our husband, son, brother, and dad. he took ill on his way to iraq. thank you”

I wrote the following in response to this prayer request:

 

Many members of our community have been, through their prayer requests, sharing with us their loss of loved ones.  A few of our members have lost loved ones while serving in the military.

One prayer request in particular has come in from Becky.  She has asked for us to pray for her, her daughters, and their family as her husband was lost on the way to Iraq.

My stepbrother, Christopher, has served in many dangerous situations around the world and most recently in Iraq and Afghanistan.  With God by his side, he has come home safely from everywhere he has been sent.  In fact, even though I haven’t spoken to him in a while, I know that one of the things that he is happiest about is that he came home from his last deployment with every man that went over with him.  He didn’t have one loss.

But why is it that he suffered no losses while others have lost so greatly?  Why is it that two people can be standing next to each other and one killed and one survive without a scratch.

I don’t know if anyone can definitively answer these questions; I only know what our faith teaches us about God and His plan for each of us.

Sharon and I recently lost a friend in a very violent incident.  I told this story in my article “Grieving for a Friend.”  At the time, we were looking for comfort and this is what I wrote:

We will never understand the way God works.  The only solace is that this must all be part of God’s plan.

God takes people when it is their time to go.

We are sad when we know we will never see our friends again.  Even though it is difficult to do, we should be happy for these people since they will be now spending the rest of their time with God.

But how do we get over our sadness?

Matthew 5:4 tells us: Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matthew is telling us that it is we, the people that live and mourn, that need to be and will be comforted.  Why is it that we should be comforted just by Matthew’s words?  Our faith in God and the fact that this is his plan is the main reason.  But this is based on faith.  Is there anything other than just having faith in Matthew’s words that provides comfort?

Our true comfort comes from Luke who recounts Jesus’ words to the man who was being crucified next to him.

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”  Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." Luke 42-43

This is the true source of our comfort: knowing that upon our death we will be with God in paradise.

 

Becky, I don’t know if, at the moment, you can gain any consolation from this or not but I can only assume that God needed your husband and your daughter’s father to do His work in heaven now. 

The pain of your loss and his absence will linger for a while, but his spirit will live on forever not only in your memories but also in the traits that he instilled in your daughters.  I am sure that when you look into the faces of your daughters, you many times see their father.  Take comfort in and celebrate the fact that a part of him will live on forever through them.

 

To everyone who has experienced such a traumatic and tremendous loss: while we grieve here on earth for our loss, our loved ones are with God doing His work and looking after us from there.  Some day we will be able to not weep for our loss and sadness but we will be able to rejoice in a life lived and the time we were blessed to be able to spend together.

May God’s love be with you and comfort you in your times of sorrow and may God’s love and guidance help you, over time, find happiness in the knowledge that your loved ones are not gone from us, they have only left our physical world and now reside with us in our heart, spirit, and memories through which they will be with us forever.

Comments

  1. Enjoyed the article Elmer.

  2. wanda bennett says:

    Separation will always be sad because we don’t fully understand. The only comfort we get when separated from a loved one is faith in God and trusting Him in His plans. I lost my son in a car accident a few years ago. By using the word “lost” I’m using the wrong word. Because nothing is lost if you know where it is. The bible tells me he is with God and that settles it. What better company than God is there? I’ll just have to wait patiently to see him again. As patiently as I was to see him before he was born.
    Love your website……..God Bless You

  3. This was a special source of comfort to me, after loosing a son. Thank you God bless you says:

    Amen

  4. My heart goes out to all parents who lost children, I lost my son Matthew on Sept. 2d, 2007, just 2 1/2 months after his 30th birthday. Matthew was strong in the word and witnessed to many, even at his funeral, people who never met him, went back to church and renewed their relationship with Jesus, He (Matthew) was very talented, had his own business, everyone loved him. But someone didn’t. Matthew was killed by high quantities of liquit morphins give him in a glass of water in someone elses apt. the investigation was messed up and now 33 month ago on the 2d of June, when Matthew went home to be with the lord, his case has been determined cold, and until Jesus returns and judges them for it, they run free. My heart still aches for him, and resently, I have nightmeres about him. I took a nap today and dreamed he came back alive in his cascet and was joking and comparing hand size with his only brother. It was good to hear his voice, and see him smile. but it shook me to the bone. I hurt so bad still and thought I had given it to God and forgiven those involved, but why the dreams now. last time I dreamped of him in the cascet was two weeks before he died. as if God was preparing me for it. I just don’t understand. Maybe my faith is week. Please pray for me, this torment is more than I can handle. god bless you tramendiously for our web. thank you.~~~~~~~~GOD BLESS

  5. I too have had loved ones taken too soon…But, I guess God has His own reasons for allowing even horrible accidents to happen… My precious husband of 29 years was killed in a senseless accident on the job…I will never understand, until God tells me face to face some day..But I trust that all is as it is meant to be…this happened almost 14 years ago, and not a day passes that I don’t miss him, and our sweet baby daughter that was stillborn 37 years ago.. Faith gets me through each day until I will see them both again. I am a stronger person because of this…I do have a lot of blessings left to live for. A daughter and son and three precious grandchildren…He still blesses me EVERY day!

  6. Jill SMith says:

    I just lost my fiance to cancer..My whole life seems to have done a 360. I struggle to go on, as he was my soul mate, my best friend, my life..Never have I felt such heart break..I don’t know how to live on, I feel so crushed…how? How? do you get past it?

  7. We lost a son almost four years ago, suddenly, unexpectedly, from a heart condition. A day after his 25th birthday. I wrote that the Lord knows the number of hairs on our heads, the number of our days. The timing of our death is perfect. More recently, my brother and his wife lost their only child in May in a lake that was too cold. He was such an amazing young man, just turned 18. He was getting ready to go to missionary prep school before college…..The impact of his short life is yet to be told.

  8. My husband passed away almost two months ago from Cancer . 31 yrs together I am lost , I cant find peace . I havent gone to church since I was a kid . This past sunday I went . I am trying to find the right place for me so I am going to different churches . I will know when I hear the right words . I have a need in me since his passing to go to church . So I pray through this and god I will find peace and exceptence of his passing so I can move forward.

  9. I have a question is it true that no-body goes to heaven or below till judgement day . So if that is true where does the spirit go after they pass >> and when is judgement day

  10. Candi Gard says:

    @ Donna, II Corinthians 5:1-8 states we are given brand new bodies made by the hands of God himself. I believe our spirit/soul goes directly to Heaven. Which is where my husband is. The Jehovah Witnesses believe that when we die we are nothing (sleep like) until judgement day… then earth will be Heaven. I’m a Presbyterian USA and I disagree with that wholeheartedly. Why else would He “wipe away all their tears”.

  11. I like all of you have loss my mother, who is my best friend, who loved me unconditionally. I hope someday I will find someone who walks the face of the earth that I can love as much for I don’t have any children for I have never been married yet because it is hard to find a man who will give me the one thing that I need the most. I am 40 now and as time goes by so fast I just look forward to the day when I will be with God, with Jesus, and with my mom and my dad. I just look forward to the day I will have peace.

  12. My brother passed of bladder cancer 3 wks. ago. It was only him & me ( his sister )
    He refused conventional cancer treatments & only took Motrins & Tylenols. I took him his groceries, & necessities and was with him to the end, sitting next to him when he took his last breath. It’s great to love someone “deeply” but with that the loss is so difficult. We were great friends & I was his caregiver the last months. Going thru the difficult stages of grieving is tough… I’m visiting a friend in beautiful Oceanside, Ca. & I can barely get out of bed. ( tho thank God for this wonderful friend, who places no demands on me while I grieve ) I just found this website & think it’s great. God bless all of you who share in this “journey” of grief.
    With God I do know that “All Things Are Possible” & that, “This Too Shall Pass.”

  13. I’ve experienced the “losses” of all my grandparents, my parents and 2 sisters most of my uncles and half my aunts. I think its a growing experience with each “loss”. I believe that with each “loss” we have a tendency to hold on harder to the ones that we have left and with each passing of another loved one it becomes even harder on our hearts. I believe two things happen. Our hearts will become hardened due to a fear of Love. I was afraid to love someone because of the fear of “losing them one day”. I soon distanced myself from everyone after my Father died. He died 1 day before my 16th birthday and and I couldn’t help but think that in, what I thought was, the most important time of my life that God would take him from me. I accepted Christ as my savior at 12 so I was young in my Faith. I prayed so many times asking the Lord WHY??? Till finally my Faith in God diminished. It slowly faded each time that I “lost” another loved one. It practically was totally gone but the hurt was still there. 25 years later I caught my wife, of 13 years, having an affair. It devastated me! I totally dedicated my life to her and my 3 children. I thought there was no reason to go on and sometime after that I sat in my garage drunk contemplating suicide. I placed a 44 caliber pistol in my mouth and was about to pull the trigger when God decided it was to send me an Angel. I friend walked in the door and I was like a deer in the headlights. She knew of my past and my feelings. In that she said a lot of things but 1 thing stuck out above all. She knew of the terrible pain I suffered with my Father’s life. And she told me I was about to inflict it upon my children. Thats all I really heard from then on because at that time it was like a bright light shining and the answers to my prayers running through my head. I believe God took my father when he did because he knows everything and one of those things was this night and what I was about to do. He opened my eyes and of all the prayers I prayed, this was truly the only one I really needed an answer for. He couldnt have answered that for me when I was 16. I didnt have that love at the time for a wife and children so I wouldnt have understood. The pain from “losing” my father is all I knew and I knew I didnt want my children to suffer as I have. James 1:3-4 says “3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”(KJV) Since then my love for God continues to grow and the answers to my pass and present prayers are slowly being answered. Ive learned to be patient with God. I believe that all our prayers will be answered. Maybe not at this exact moment or maybe not in the way that we want, but it will be answered according to God’s will. Just be patient and steadfast in your Faith. God will comfort us in our time of needs. When you “lose” a loved one, know that,if they are saved, they are with God. Comfort also comes to me now because I know one day we will be reunited in the presence of God. We are not promised tomorrow so be thankful for every day we have. Make the most of it and be good stewards for God.

  14. Noemi Tabora says:

    I lost my dad 2 years ago and the experience left me paralyzed. It was the loneliest moment of my life. My dad was my hero, my anchor of strength and his words of wisdom made me cool and easy. I went to the point of asking WHY should dealth be the wages for our sins. It’s just so sad and lonely to lose a loved one. I cry each time I pass by the parlour where he used to have his haircut, each time I see his favorite cherries etc. But I have to accept that as mortal, no one expects to live forever…

  15. wow I can surely relate to losing A loved one .This sister wendy who dreams with her son i had that experience with a nephew.The lord showed me it was time for him to sleep.Maybe the Lord is telling you wendy, he’s (your son) where he needs to be happy with the rest of his Christian family young and old waiting for the next life.Peace in your heart sister

  16. The anniversary of my Dad’s death is coming on Oct. 26th of last year, on Nov. 4th 2 years ago my brother had a terrible accident being 50 ft in the air in a bucket truck painting a church, the truck turned over, slamming him to the concrete below….he fell into the prayer garden. He lived until Nov. 7th when we had to take him off life support. He left behind one grandchild, a 19 y/o daughter, and a 17 y/o son. On Oct. 28th it will be the 31st anniversary of my Mothers tragic ending….she shot herself in the head with a 22pistol, with hollow points bullets…she lived for about 2 hours, but she was brain dead. I know God has his reasons for everything that happens. He is my peace when I grieve, but the ache remains forever. Who am I to question why? He knows what’s best for each of us. I could not make it without him.

  17. On Aug 3 2010, the birthday of my little girl turning three, I woke up and went to wake up my 18 year old son. I found him hanging in his room. He has been dead they say for 8 hours or so. Shortly after I went to bed. I have no note, and I must have been blind to his serious depression problem. My son would always where long clothing, I never thought any thing of it until I saw my sons medical report and it cleary showed old cutting scares all over his arms and legs. He had them for awhile, I never noticed. I wish I Did. My loss is a wake up call for raising my little girl. R.I.P. Kurtis Lee Murphy 3/9/92-8/3/2010..May the Lord be with my son giving him the comfort he was crying for!

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